It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I think that I’m probably supposed to launch straight into this post without any acknowledgement of the fact I’ve been away for seven whole months, but I’ve never been one for blogging according to the ‘rules’ and it feels a bit too obvious to ignore. So, what’s been going on? Well, after I wrote my last post, way back in June of last year, I just stopped. As though I’d run out of steam. I’d been using my blog as something akin to therapy – as usual – and I’d got to a point where I’d said all that I needed to say; I’d found the peace I was looking for and at the same time, found a new romantic relationship to invest myself in. I never planned to quit my blog, but the urge to get something out of my head and out into the world simply went quietly away and for once, I didn’t question it; I just went along the journey my feelings wanted to take me. And it’s been a good break.
Fast forward to now, and I feel a bit like I’m coming back from a period of hibernation. I’ve done that thing that newly loved-up people often do – vanish from the world a little, only to reappear months later with a smile on their face. This relationship? It’s good. Really good. Somehow my love manages to be simultaneously solid and exciting. Stable and yet adventurous. The underpinning – and hugely reassuring – feeling of being supported and protected by him has given me an increasing amount of confidence in myself and in our relationship.We travel, have adventures, make time for so much fun – together, with friends, and with our amazing kids. I love him and he loves me and it’s the best feeling ever. I might be having a little cry as I write this; It’s taken me a long time to find the trust I’ve needed and taking this time to write it down – my therapy again – has brought that all to light.
So – I’m happy and that’s a huge shift.
Elsewhere, not masses has changed. I’ve been making very slow plans for Lark Skincare, carving out small amounts of time for it amongst everything else. I’m still living with my parents, still paying off debt, getting ready to move house – which needs to happen this year, because my eldest child is going to high school. Still something of a shock that I’m old enough to be the mother of a ten-year old…
Work remains the same. After several failed attempts at promotion, I’m beginning to think that perhaps I need a different career path, but the uncertainty about what that should be remains a question in my head. I know the work – in the environmental sector, which needs all the friends it can get – matters to me. I know that the way in which I’m allowed to work (largely from home, with a huge amount of flexibility and autonomy over my days) is the key to making the rest of my complicated life practical, so I need to remind myself of those things when I’m feeling less-than-great about it.
When I’m not working, parenting, hanging out with my love or making skincare, I’ve been running. I’m attempting to get fit before I’m ancient. I did my first ten mile trail race the first week in January; when I was mostly made of Quality Street and Christmas booze. Sometimes I’m an idiot. Anyway, I made it round in one piece, and received a medal, fancy t-shirt and damaged foot as my reward. I’m just getting myself going again now my foot has recovered, with a 10k booked in for on April Fool’s Day which seems terribly fitting…
Even though I’ve not been writing here, I’m attempting to write a novel. It’s terrible. But fun. And I need to write something otherwise I spend all of my precious spare time reading Donald Trump’s twitter feed. I mean, I’m barely finding the words I need to try and comprehend what’s going on there. It’s hilarious and terrifying, in one giant Brave New World-esque mess, and I don’t really know where to begin trying to work out what I can DO about any of it. The same as the rest of us, I suppose – try to be educated, donate my time and money. And to try to really understand the perspective of those people who think very differently to me. The ones who voted differently to me in the European referendum. The ones who think that a Trump presidency is a good result. It’s only by stepping out of my own bubble that I can challenge my own assumptions and perhaps get the understanding I need to get to the heart of what’s going on and what I might do about it.
As for the future of this site? I think it might stick around a bit longer. I am not going to create a blog timetable, I’m not going to do any fancy scheduling or series of posts. I’m not going to care about SEO or superb photos or any of that. I’m not a ‘lifestyle’ blogger or part of any niche or clique.
I’m just me, writing about whatever takes my fancy, sharing my story, being honest. That feels like the right kind of blog for me.
And I like it.
But enough about me. How’ve you been?