Dear … money (April Love # 19)

Dear … money,

This is supposed to be a love letter and yet, I usually feel like I need to hide away from you. We have a complicated relationship and perhaps it’s time to get some things out in the open. So, money, this letter is going to be a work in progress. It might be a bit messy. A bit fractured. A bit unsettled. This is how I feel, so you’re going to have to bear with me.

Let’s start with this; a letter to you, money, cannot be complete without a discussion about work. Because, through work, I get a lot of my most keenly felt beliefs about money. For a long time, perhaps forever, I have held onto a thought: you can do good work or you can earn good money, but you cannot do both. By which I mean, I can do work that fits in with my morals, ethics and values, but to do so, I have to accept that I won’t earn a lot of money. For the money belongs with those people who will do anything to earn it.

But I think that might be wrong. I think that I can earn more money doing things that I believe in. I might need to believe in me a bit more to make that happen. But I don’t think the two things are mutually exclusive any more. I need to give this a bit more thought ( I told you this was going to be a work in progress…) but I believe that opportunities might exist for me to earn more money but stay happy with what I do (and who I work for) to earn it.

And I think that to accept that I want more money might be ok. To say that I want to feel more financially secure might be ok. To want more money, not because of greed, but because I want to support myself. To stand on my own two feet, look after my kids, secure our future as a family. My last relationship was clouded by money problems, but they were not mine. I’ve realised that because I don’t own that poor attitude to money, I can work through my current debt problems without the emotions that were problematic before.

I mean, it’s not as if I don’t use you properly, money, when you’re around. I use you for adventures, not for possessions. To create memories, see the world, and, yes, to save up for the future and to pay off my debt. Just this week, I sold my DSLR camera to raise some funds for my skincare project. I never was a great photographer anyway; I’m definitely an old-school blogger in that way. So, you see, when I need you, money, I’m not scared to part with things to get hold of you, for the best of all purposes: to make my dreams come true. I’ve done it time and again; an Hermes scarf paid for letterpress course, Louboutin shoes; a flight to Copenhagen. If I’m honest, I’ve run out of possessions to sell now though.

So it’s time to tell the universe that I want to attract more of you into my life, money. I don’t want to be scared to say that any more. To feel as though I’m somehow a bad person for wanting to have more of you. I mean, I have to find somewhere to live. They don’t give houses away. And I’m ready for side hustles – small ways of earning extra income alongside my day job (yes, HMRC, I’ll be sure to let you know) whether that’s through skincare, massage, writing, or through another of the skills I’ve acquired through my life so far. I’m letting the world know.

Dear money, it’s time you and I had a proper, grown-up relationship. I’m ready for that now. So don’t be scared to head my way…

 

One Response to Dear … money (April Love # 19)

  1. Sam says:

    Elizabeth

    I am enjoying this series. you are an excellent writer. How much can so many people relate to what you have written here? I sure can. Relationships with money is complex, and saying you want to earn more, and have more shouldn’t be seen as greed, but yet, it can feel that way. I like how you talk to money about providing security, and helping to support experiences and self investment-not stuff collecting.Perhaps that is what makes the relationship with money complicated. If it was just about accumulating more money just for pure stuff and wealth, that is pretty simple. Balancing out earning enough for life support, enough for security, and enough for security, but not having to focus on money all the time is a challenge .

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